6 Tips for Managing Work Anxiety

I’ve had a lot of clients ask me to explain exactly what anxiety is, and I’ve always been able to give a basic text-book definition: an intense worry or fear about something. I’ve explained that some people have intense fear or worry about specific things like; taking tests, public speaking, or flying on airplanes . Some people feel intense fear or worry about their lives in general. Some people experience anxiety as a result of a traumatic event. For some, anxiety is annoying, but manageable. For others, anxiety makes it hard to function on the day to day.  Anxiety does not look the same for everyone, and it can range from mild to severe. 

While I’ve had the ability to put myself in my client’s shoes and think about what anxiety could be like for them, experiencing it while at work has allowed for a whole new level empathy. I mean sure, I’ve been worried about a school test and driving in downtown Dallas makes my heart race but until recently I had never wondered, “Damn, do I need medication for this?”. 

With COVID-19 and the whole lockdown, people were not coming in to have mental health evaluations. There would be some days where I did one evaluation, and some days that I did zero. I knew that with the pandemic; depression, anxiety, and substance use would likely be on the rise, but I guess I wasn’t prepared for just how busy I would get and fast. As the stay-at-home orders were lifting and establishments were starting to open up, there was an immediate increase in the amount of people needing evaluations. I started to see more people in the lobby (socially distanced of course). People were coming in groups of two’s or three’s to be evaluated. There would be multiple appointments and multiple walk-ins. I started to notice that I was becoming stressed and overwhelmed more easily. Before even getting to work, I would be worried about how I was going to manage. Getting to work and seeing double-booked and back-to-back appointments filled me with dread. The very sight of three or four people in the lobby waiting to be evaluated instantly overwhelmed me. 

About a month ago, I started to experience the physical symptoms often associated with anxiety. When I was overwhelmed, I felt I couldn’t breathe properly. It was difficult to breathe all the way in and it was uncomfortable. At the same time, I would feel this pressure in my chest (I hate that feeling so much). These sensations often wouldn’t go away until the lobby was empty, or I was finally able to take my break. Then one day, I did something that I had never done before. I left for my break with people still in the lobby waiting to be evaluated. 

I don’t like for people to have to wait to be seen so I usually just put off my break until I can find an opening. I couldn’t do that on that day. I felt slightly panicked and I kept thinking to myself “I have to get out of here”, and so I did. Luckily, I didn’t experience a full-on panic attack, but I was damn sure close. 

After that experience, I decided that I needed a plan for how I was going to manage this anxiety so that I could function at work to the best of my ability. I needed to manage this not only for myself, but for my clients as well. I still feel stressed, overwhelmed, worried at times. I still get that pressure in my chest, but I’m managing very well thanks to these tips…

Tip #1: Start your morning with positive self-talk, and affirmations

Think of this as giving yourself a pep-talk before work so that you can go in prepared and confident. Affirm yourself with statements like; “I will not stress over things I can’t control”, “I will do my best and my best is enough”, “I am strong and capable”, “I can adapt to anything”.

Tip #2: Use aroma therapy 

Essential oils such as lavender, chamomile, peppermint, and wild orange can aid in relieving stress and anxiety. Use a topical oil or a lotion that has the oil in it. If you can have a diffuser in your work space or office, that’s a great option as well.

Tip #3: Practice deep breathing 

Deep breathing helps to slow down your heart rate and blood pressure which are usually elevated when you’re anxious. Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds, hold it for 4 seconds, and then exhale out of your nose for 6 seconds. Repeat as many times as you need to. 

Tip #4:  Ask for help when you need it

Workplace anxiety can often come from a heavy work load and never-ending deadlines. If there’s something that you can get assistance or support with, ask! Asking for help does not make you incompetent or unqualified, it makes you smart.

Tip #5: Take a break when you need it 

Taking breaks is good for your overall health and well-being. Make sure to step away from your work space and do things like; take a walk outside, eat, drink water, listen to music, watch a funny video. 

Tip #6: Be kind to yourself 

Dealing with anxiety symptoms in the workplace can be frustrating but try not to beat yourself up about it. Becoming stressed or anxious at work does not make you weak! You can learn to manage it, whether that’s on your own and/or with the help of licensed professionals.   

Anxiety in the workplace can come from things such as a toxic environment, issues with co-workers, heavy workload, etc. We spend a lot of our time at work and it’s in our best interest to manage anxiety as best we can. Do you experience workplace anxiety? If so, what is your experience like? How do you manage? I’d love to hear from you! 

6 Tips for Letting Go of Toxic Traits

Be honest with yourself about what your toxic traits are.

Having an awareness and being honest about when you’re being toxic is an important first step for change. The more aware you are, the better your chances of making active change. Let’s say for example that one of your toxic traits is gossiping about others, and maybe you have done it for so long that you don’t even realize when you’re doing it. If you find yourself gossiping about someone and you’re able to say in that moment “I’m being toxic right now”, you immediately give yourself the opportunity to stop. 

Examine and challenge your negative core beliefs.

Core beliefs are the central ideas that we have about ourselves and the world around us. Negative core beliefs have a huge influence on what we do, how we feel, and what we think. One example of a negative core belief is “I can’t trust others”. If this is a belief that you have deep-down, then you may push people away or assume the worst in people. You could challenge this belief by; thinking of times that someone in your life proved to be trustworthy, thinking about how this belief has negatively affected your relationships, and thinking about what relationships could be like if you chose to adopt a healthier belief. 

Write affirmations that reflect the healthy traits you aspire to have. 

I am a huge believer in writing out affirmations as a means of manifesting. If one of your toxic traits is being passive aggressive, then write “I am an assertive communicator” or “I am comfortable with speaking up”. Don’t forget to post your affirmations somewhere you can see them daily. 

Consider talking to a therapist or life coach. 

A therapist or life coach is someone that can provide support, encouragement, and guidance on your journey to healthy change. Making change all on your own could possibly be overwhelming, so it’s nice to have someone outside of your friends and family to get assistance from.

Surround yourself with people who are also working toward healthy change.  

We all have the capacity and ability to be toxic, so by no means am I saying to cut off everyone in your life who has a toxic trait. I am saying that surrounding yourself with people who are working toward change, or people who have the traits that you aspire to have can be helpful and motivating. 

Be patient with yourself.

Making changes within yourself is no easy task. It takes time to unlearn toxic traits and then adopt healthier ones. Be patient and kind with yourself as you go through the process of change. 

BLACK MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS

Throughout this entire week, I’ve been saying “my nerves are bed” which for me means, I’m anxious. I’ve been unable to sit still. I’ve felt very uneasy. I’ve felt like screaming.

I haven’t been able to pin point exactly where all of this anxiety is stemming from. I think it’s just… everything. Everything that I’m dealing with personally. Everything my friends and family are dealing with. Everything that my people, black people, are dealing with. Everything my patients are dealing with. Just everything.

It’s a lot and I know I can’t be the only one feeling this way or some type of way. I’ve compiled a list of various mental health resources that could be helpful. In this list I have chosen to highlight resources that were created/founded by Black people with the intention of assisting Black people.

Want to find a mental health professional? check out these directories…

Black Mental Health Alliance – This mission of the Black Mental Health Alliance is ” to develop, promote and sponsor trusted culturally-relevant educational forums, training’s, and referral services that support the health and well-being of Black people and other vulnerable communities”. After completing a brief questionnaire on the site, someone will follow up with you within 24 hours providing referrals for licensed mental health professionals.

Black Emotional and Mental Health Collective(BEAM) -This non-profit organization is comprised of yoga teachers, artists, therapists, lawyers, religious leaders, teachers, psychologists and activists. Their mission is to “remove the barriers that Black people experience getting access to or staying connected with emotional health care and healing. We do this through education, training, advocacy and the creative arts”. The site offers a directory of black virtual therapists as well as tool kits, worksheets, videos, and articles.

Boris Lawrence Henson Foundation – This non-profit organization was founded by Taraji P. Henson, in honor of her father who suffered with mental health challenges. This mission of the foundation is “to provide support and bring awareness to mental health issues that plague our community”. On the website you are able to search through a directory of mental health providers and programs that serve the African American community.

Therapy for Black Men – Founded by both Vladimire Calixte and Benjamin Calixte, this site offers a safe space for boys and men of color to seek the help of a professional, and become educated on all things mental health.

Want to listen and learn? Check out these podcasts…

Therapy for Black girls – The host of this podcast is Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, a licensed psychologist. She focuses on mental health topics with the intent of making them more accessible to black women.

Minding My Black Business – The host of this podcast is Dr. JaNae Taylor, a therapist, who talks about all things business, self-care, and mental health.

Fireflies Unite With Kea – Created by suicide survivor, T-Kea Blackman, this mission of her podcast is to “bring light into darkness, encourage people of color to seek treatment, end stigma and raise awareness”.

Is reading more of your thing? Check out these books…

Dear Suicide – Written by Devaunier’ Cannon, a licensed clinical social worker. Her book not only provides information about suicide, but allows for the reader to engage in writing activities that encourage reflection and essentially safety planning to aid in suicide  prevention.

Soothe Your Nerves: The Black Woman’s Guide to Understanding and Overcoming Anxiety, Panic, and Fear – Written by Dr. Angela Neal-Barnett, a psychologist. Her book focuses on what can contribute to anxiety, panic, and fear in Black women and offers various healing methods to use in order to combat them.

AN IMPORTANT NUMBER…

If you are in distress or in a crisis, 1-800-273-8255 is the national suicide prevention hotline. Please call this number 24/7 in order to recieve free support.

Imposter Syndrome???

Imposter Syndrome. It might sound silly but it’s SO real and has been a reality for me for the past couple of months. I’m still working on dealing with it, so this is not a “how to get over imposter syndrome” post , but instead I’ll describe what it has been like for me and how I’ve come to deal with it so far.

According to Wikipedia, “Imposter Syndrome is a psychological pattern in which one doubts one’s accomplishments and has a persistent interanlized fear of being exposed as a fraud”. On a daily basis at work, I deal with feelings of self-doubt, inadequacy, and general anxiety about my work performance. These feelings are pretty new for me and that’s because I recently got my first “big girl job”. I got a therapist position right out of grad school and prior to that, I had never had a job in my field of interest or with real benefits lol. What I noticed really quickly after getting the position is that I felt like a fraud. I felt like I wasn’t a REAL therapist and only got the position because of my mentor, not because I deserved it. I wake up worried about how my therapy groups will go. During groups, I worry about if what I’m saying even makes sense. I wonder if my patients think I’m an idiot or a bad therapist. In meetings I worry if other staff think I’m an idiot. I beat myself up over mistakes both big and small. I get annoyed if I don’t know something.

Sounds miserable and exhausting huh? IT IS.

I’ve realized that if I want to be of the best assistance to my patients AND maintain my well-being, then I need to get a handle on imposter syndrome.

One thing that I do to combat my negative thoughts is actually something I have told my patients to do (WOW, look at that, a therapist taking her own advice). Basically, if I think to myself “I’m a horrible therapist”, then I force myself to challenge that thought…

So what evidence is there that I am a horrible therapist?

Well… none.

So what evidence is there that I am a good therapist?

Well…. actually my patients often tell me that I’m very helpful and a good therapist.

What would my manager/mentor say about this thought?

Well… she literally sent me an email telling me how often patients rave about me, so she would probably tell me I’m trippin.

Is this thought based on facts or feelings?

Well… I noticed that I tend to have this thought more so when I’m feeling stressed or when I feel like my group didn’t go the way that I wanted.

After I have gone through these questions or similar questions, I tend to realize how silly that thought actually is.

Do you suffer from imposter syndrome? Share your experience with me! Tell me what you’ve tried or done to get over it. I’d love to hear from you!

How Do You Cope?

Coping skills was a very big topic this last week for clients that I work with, and it got me to thinking about how I cope with things. I want to challenge my readers to think about what coping skills you use, and better yet are they healthy or unhealthy? It’s no surprise that the clients I work with tend to use a lot of unhealthy coping skills, but they are not the only ones. I believe people everywhere, inside and outside of mental health facilities, use unhealthy ways to cope with this crazy thing called life. I, myself use unhealthy ways of coping sometimes.

So what are coping skills? Simply put they are things we use to deal with uncomfortable, difficult, and stressful situations.

So what determines whether a coping skill is healthy or unhealthy? Well to give some examples..

Unhealthy; over-eating, excessive sleeping, self-harm, procrastinating, withdrawing, giving up, blaming others, drinking and drug use, excessive spending.

Healthy; journaling, exercising, listening to music, developing a gratitude attitude, yoga, deep breaths in and out, taking a hot bath or shower, talking to friends/family, seeing a therapist.

I believe a lot of unhealthy coping skills provide temporary relief, but no long-term solutions and can even be detrimental. More importantly, I believe unhealthy coping skills do not help us get to the root of the problem. It’s like when you have a cold, and you take medicine. The medicine is great and helps to relieve symptoms, but the actual cold is not cured. Unfortunately, since there is no cure for the cold, we continue to get them. 

I wanted to touch on drinking and drugs because some of you may be thinking, “Isis, some of that is legal!” Yes, I’m aware lol. I drink and I enjoy it! Marijuana is slowly becoming legalized and I think it’s great. Drugs and alcohol is a very big part of our society and again, I just want to challenge you to think. When you drink or use drugs; what is your goal? Do you set limitations for yourself? Are you trying to forget or avoid something? Are you trying to numb yourself?  Do you fail to meet obligations or handle responsibilities due to use? Are relationships in your life becoming strained due to use? You can even apply some of these questions to other coping skills to determine if they are unhealthy.

 Deep reflection about what you do and why you do it, is key. 

To end on a lighter note, I thought I would share some of my favorite healthy coping skills. “Developing a gratitude attitude” is one I use a lot.  When I’m feeling down, stressed, or really negative I like to come up with a list of things in my head that i’m grateful for. I also sing or listen to music. My go-to song to sing is “Tell him” by Lauryn Hill. Two of my personal feel-good songs are “Pop Thieves” by Childish Gambino and “Return of the Mack” by Mark Morrison. Cleaning my entire apartment is also something I do to cope with stress.

What are some coping skills you use? Which ones would you like to stop? What new ones would you like to try? I’d love to hear from you!!

5 Things to Consider When Searching for a Therapist

So you’ve decided you’re ready to see a therapist, good for you! No seriously, that’s great. Maybe you’re still on the fence about seeing one, that’s ok too! Now comes the task of finding that perfect stranger to share your most personal thoughts and feelings to. I realize this task may sound scary and even impossible, but it can be done. I recently saw a therapist for the first time and had an amazing experience. I’ve listed exactly what I took into consideration before making my final decision, it is my hope that by sharing I can make the task a bit easier for you. 

How Can I Afford Services? 

This is the very first thing I considered in my search for a therapist. It’s the very first thing because I assumed therapy to be crazy expensive. I also didn’t think that therapists took insurance -honestly, I don’t know why. Well lucky for us, therapy can be affordable and you can use insurance. If you do have insurance, either call your insurance provider or look on your insurance website to see who is in your network. Just as a visit to your doctor, you may be required to pay a copay. I would also recommend looking to see if your workplace offers an “Employee Assistance Program” and if you’re able to utilize it. These programs usually offer short-term counseling, but it’s definitely a start. So maybe you don’t have insurance, there is always the option to pay out of pocket. Even then, I would recommend looking for therapist who offers a sliding scale fee.  A sliding scale fee simply means that you will be charged based on your income. For my college/grad students, many universities offer counseling services that are funded by your tuition.

What Am I Looking to Work On?

Depression, Anxiety, PTSD? It’s important to have some idea about what you’re seeking therapy for. Not all therapists specialize in the same mental health disorders/issues. As you go through your list of potential therapists, either call or look to see if they have a website. They will provide information as to what they specialize in and what areas they have the most expertise in. Many therapists are experienced in many different areas of mental health, a jack of all trades! This is great because you may have more than one thing to work on, at different points of your life.

Is This Therapist Licensed? 

Many people can call themselves a counselor, therapist, or life-coach. These terms can be used loosely sometimes. Being licensed means the individual has earned hours in a clinical setting as well as passed a licensing exam. You’ll usually find their credentials and licensing information on their website. There are many different professionals that offer therapy and have gone through schooling to be able to provide services. Just to name a few; Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor (LCDC). Students, be mindful that in a university counseling center, there may be interns offering services as a way to gain clinical hours. You have to decide if you are ok with working with someone who is not yet licensed.

What is This Therapist’s Approach to Therapy? 

This was a very important one for me. It’s helpful to know a therapists philosophy on therapy, as well as what therapies they use. You can find this information on their website or by calling. Believe it or not, no therapist is the same. They are all unique human beings with their own ways of thinking and doing things. As I was going through the website of the therapist I chose, I came across a “Common Questions” section. One question was “Do I really need therapy? I can usually handle my problems”. Her answer was, “Everyone goes through challenging situations in life, and while you may have successfully navigated through other difficulties you’ve faced, there’s nothing wrong with seeking out extra support when you need it. In fact, therapy is for people who have enough self-awareness to realize they need a helping hand, and that is something to be admired. You are taking responsibility by accepting where you’re at in life and making a commitment to change the situation by seeking therapy. Therapy provides long-lasting benefits and support, giving you the tools you need to avoid triggers, re-direct damaging patterns, and overcome whatever challenges you face.” As soon as I read that, I was hooked. Knowing that she felt that way about therapy made me feel a lot better about wanting to talk to someone.

Who Am I Comfortable Talking To?

Again, every therapist is different. Do you need someone to show you tough love or do you need someone to gently nudge you towards change? Do you want to talk to someone that looks like you or are you open to diversity? I personally was very interested in seeing a black therapist. My reason for that was because in my graduate program, I haven’t had the opportunity of learning from and working under many therapists of color. Everyone has their own preferences and that’s perfectly fine. I say be open minded. If something or someone isn’t working, be willing to change and adapt.  

I hope that this list has or will help you in your search for a therapist. If you’re still on the fence, I hope I’ve pushed you over a little bit, lol. One very important thing I would like to point out is that you may go through a few different therapists. THAT IS PERFECTLY OK. You may not vibe or connect with the very first one, but please please please don’t be discouraged. 

If you have any questions about therapy or therapists, please leave a comment or contact me. Also, feel free to share your experiences in therapy. I’d love to hear from you!

Check out my previous post about my personal experience seeing a therapist!

https://kurlsandkonversation.com/2018/12/22/first-time-experience-seeing-a-therapist/

A special shout-out to shikaardeta for suggesting I make this kind of post. Check out her amazing blog here! 

https://shikaardeta.wordpress.com

First Time Experience: Seeing a Therapist

Since the very beginning of my graduate program, professors have suggested the students see a therapist at least once. I remember thinking “I just want to be a therapist, I don’t want to see one”.  As I became more knowledgable on the topic of mental health and wellness, I began to realize that the suggestion was not so crazy after all. Then finally came the time when my own mental well-being was in jeopardy.

Think of mental health as a continuum. On the far left you have “mental well-being” and on the far right you have “mental illness”. Well in September of 2018, I was slowly but surely sliding on over to the right. Each day I slid a little bit more until finally, I had an emotional breakdown at work (in private, Thank God). I decided “Ok, it may be time to talk to someone”.

Honestly, I wasn’t too sure if I was depressed. All I knew is that something was wrong. Crying every day, feeling unmotivated, and constant negative thoughts was not healthy.

I started my search by going to my health insurance website. I was given a list of therapists that were in my network and would take my insurance. I went through each listing and went to their website (if they even had one). I researched their education background, what disorders they specialized in, and what methods of treatment they used. It was important to me to find a therapist of color, so I looked for that as well. 

I found one that looked promising and contacted her. We spoke briefly about what was going on and scheduled an appointment for the next day. I was so nervous the night before and even thought about cancelling because what if I wasn’t even depressed? What if I was wasting her time and my time? Then my boyfriend assured me that I was making the right decision. He said something along the lines of “Therapy is like prayer, you don’t only have to use it when something is really wrong”. Amen.

I went to my first session at 9:00 AM the next morning, and from that very first session she told me that she didn’t believe me to be depressed. She did however, believe that I was having a hard time mentally and emotionally. 

So, I wasn’t clinically depressed but let me tell you the reasons I went on to see her a few more times…

I did not lie on a couch while being asked “So how does that make you feel?” every two minutes

I don’t know why therapy is portrayed that way. That is not how any of this works. 

I was able to talk freely about my issues without being judged

Sometimes friends, family, and significant others can end up being judgmental without necessarily trying to. Plus, it’s helpful to get perspective from someone other than them. 

I didn’t feel like my issues were being minimized 

Example: “Mom, I’m sad” “you ain’t got nothing to be sad about, you got a roof over your head”.

I got to talk about different aspects of my life

I went for a specific problem but I was asked about my friends, family, boyfriend, work, and school. It was helpful to address all those areas of my life as well.

I felt like I was being listened to 

We’re talking about active listening here, not everyone has that skill.

I was allowed to cry

It’s nice to cry without feeling dumb or feeling compelled to apologize for it. 

I was challenged 

Yes, therapists should be empathetic and understanding. They should also give feedback and challenge you to new ways of thinking and behaving.

I felt comfortable 

My therapist was a black woman. She was very personable. Our conversation flowed easily. Her office was really cute and felt very welcoming. 

I feel very lucky to have had a great first experience seeing a therapist. I feel that I was properly helped and still keep in mind the things that I learned. I would, without a doubt, go back should I feel I need to. In my personal opinion, everyone could benefit from talking to a professional. We are all human beings with either issues, hard times, past traumas, dysfunctional thoughts, bad habits, unhealed wounds, or toxic behaviors. Some of us battle with these things more than others. Some of us deal with these things better than others. 

Therapy is not bad. Therapy is not only for certain people. Therapy does not make you weak. 

Log Off and Level Up

One thing about social media is that you really only see the best parts of people’s lives. Of course it’s hard to remember that when you feel your life isn’t exactly going the way you would like. Everyone else’s accomplishments can be a reminder of what you have yet to achieve. The things that other people have can be a reminder of what you lack. 

The end of 2018 was a difficult time for me. Nothing major happened to me per say, but I was struggling and dealing with some set-backs. I was overwhelmed. I was unhappy. I was very unmotivated. Due to being unmotivated, I spent a great deal of time scrolling through social media and ultimately ended up making myself feel worse. I was trapped in this cycle of distracting myself with insta and twitter, seeing how great everyone else’s life appeared to be, and then feeling even worse about my life. I was so consumed by what was wrong, what I didn’t have, and what I hadn’t yet achieved. 

After about three weeks of feeling absolutely horrible, I decided to take a break from my various social media sites. I took time to find solutions to my problems, instead of just feeling sorry for myself. I began working out, reading, and singing again. I even got the inspiration to start this blog. I began to feel love for myself again. I was reminded of all the great things I was doing and have done. I decided that I had control over my life. I was not a victim of anything or anyone.

Here are some things that worked for me during that difficult time, try them out should you find yourself going through something similar…

Take a break from social media from time to time 

Even when you aren’t taking a break, balance social media and offline life

Connect with real people in your life in meaningful ways 

Pray and/or meditate 

Engage in hobbies or activities that you enjoy

Take time to focus on and evaluate your life moves/goals

If you think you may need to see a therapist, just try it

Be grateful for who and what you have in your life in this very moment

Remember that you’re exactly where you need to be