I Still Remember the Days Where I Prayed for the Things I Have Now

The other day my friend sent me a tik tok. There are different variations of it out there, but most importantly it’s a voiceover of Nene Leakes (if you don’t know who that is, it’s ok lol). The context is that Nene visits someone’s home and is disgusted by what she sees.

 Nene goes on to say “They had a white refrigerator. I was like ughhhh ooooo, not a white refrigerator. Girl please put your shoes on, let’s go find you a home”. Now, I find Nene to be hilarious so of course I laughed, but I also had a moment where I thought to myself… damn, I used to have a white refrigerator.

It was actually only in February of this year that I moved into a renovated unit in my apartment complex that came with wood floors, granite countertops, and yes…. A STAINLESS STEEL REFRIGERATOR. I distinctly remember living in my old apartment and just waiting for the day I could move into something like what I have now. 

I still remember the days I prayed for the things I have now

I began to reflect on where I am now in life versus where I was 1-3 years ago. I remembered first moving to the DFW and not being able to find a job for about 3 months. I remembered being so frustrated that I had a bachelor’s degree but apparently still wasn’t qualified enough. I remembered working at different jobs for $10, $13, $15 an hour. I remembered working for no pay at all (unpaid internships should be illegal). I remembered long days of working then heading to class at 7:00 PM. I remembered being worried about rent. I remembered getting a credit card just to pay for necessities. I remembered using that credit card for things I didn’t really need. I remembered looking at people on Youtube and Instagram who went on trips and had gorgeous apartments then thinking “Why can’t that be me?” or “When will my time come?”. 

I’m not trying to say that I struggled oh so hard nor am I trying to say that my life is perfect now. I am saying that I feel blessed that the things I mentioned above are no longer my reality. Those things mentioned above are important aspects of my journey in life that have played a part in making me into the woman I am today.

I don’t know where you are in life right now, but if you are wishing and praying to be some place different, I want to tell you that it’s coming. Keep working, keep striving, keep praying. When you do get to that place you wish to be, don’t forget where you once were. Use the past chapters of life as motivation and reminders. Keep working, keep striving, keep praying.

Chapter 25: The Glow-Up

On March 30th, this picture was taken of me. When my boyfriend handed me the phone so that I could look at it my first words were “Wow, I’m beautiful”, and then I immediately started tearing up.  Of course he didn’t understand so I explained that I hadn’t felt beautiful in awhile. Seeing this picture was like having a major epiphany about myself. My epiphany didn’t stop there though.. in this picture I saw so much more. I saw the woman that I had always known myself to be deep inside. I saw a woman that was confident in who she is and what she has to offer the world. 

Confidence is an attribute that I’ve always strongly admired in other people. I’ve always admired it because for some reason It has not always come naturally to me. I distinctly remember in Jr. high and high-school hating myself and how I looked. From the shape of my nose to my frizzy curls to my teeth…I was deeply unsatisfied. In college I distinctly remember not having confidence in my ability to lead or speak up. Throughout my college years I slowly began to develop confidence, but I still wasn’t quite where I wanted to be. Post-graduation, I had gained some weight, struggled in a couple different areas of my life, and slipped back into that Jr. high/high-school mindset. 

So what recently brought me to my great epiphany? I think a major part of it is doing what I’m passionate about… 

Throughout my MSW program, I’ve had the opportunity to work with women in recovery from substance abuse, as well as with children with different mental health diagnoses. I currently work with adults dealing with various mental health diagnoses in a psychiatric unit. Never in a million years did I think I would have the confidence to get up in front of such vulnerable populations and not only educate them but HELP them. I seriously get up in front of people older than me and offer guidance. I can’t explain the feeling I get when a patient or client tells me “You’re going to do great things” or “That was such a great group” or “This really helped me”. Through pursing my passion, I’ve been able to see who I am and what I’m capable of. I’m a bad-ass. 

On my birthday one of my sorority sisters said “You got you a voice!” and that is the truth. I’m no longer afraid to lead or speak-up. Realizing that I’m beautiful in my looks is one thing, but slowly becoming the woman that I’ve always dreamed of being is another. What’s crazy is, I’m only going to get better…

My Plate Is Full and I’m The One Who Fixed It

It’s the second week of the spring semester and I already feel overwhelmed and annoyed. I thought I would have at least made it a month before these feelings showed up. In my defense I have a lot going on. I’m balancing three classes, an internship, two jobs, my blog, going to the gym, and maintaining a social life. 

Today I got home at about 4:00 PM and went straight for an unopened bottle of red wine that I had in the fridge… it’s only Wednesday. 

Alright, I’m done venting and complaining so now here comes the good stuff…

I don’t remember where I saw this quote at but it goes “I can’t complain about having a lot on my plate when the goal was to eat”. I’ve pretty much been reciting that quote over and over again to myself because it’s so incredibly true . My goals include graduating, learning more in the mental health field, advocating for mental health and wellness, inspiring my peers, losing weight, and living my best life. Everything that I’m doing is a step towards each of those goals in some way or another.

When I’m feeling overwhelmed or negative, I try really hard to replace those feelings with an attitude of gratitude. I can’t thank God enough for the opportunities that I have been given to learn and grow, both personally and professionally. I look back on last year when I was working at a job that I HATED and it’s like how could I complain??? LOOK AT WHAT GOD DID. Everything that I’m doing right now, I prayed for at an earlier time. Everything that I’m doing right now is preparing me for greatness. 

When I start to have that attitude of gratitude (and have some wine) I feel a heck of a lot better, and it’s like I’m excited about my goals all over again.

If you can relate to this post in any way I just want to say that; 

You’re amazing. 

You can do anything you put your mind to. 

Be mindful of how you’re doing mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Take care of yourself.

You got this.